Forgiving Her

Not too long ago I was talking with my mother-in-law we started talking about my mom and how I cannot even talk about her without crying. I told her that my siblings seem to be able to adjust to her being gone and are able to move on in their life. I cannot understand why I’m not able to do the same.  Her answer was such an eye opener. She told me that there are 2 things in the last 3 years that I have not done and until I follow through with these I will continue to have a hard time living without her.

1. I need to stop blaming myself. I need to stop the mental torture with what if I had done this or if I would have done that then maybe she would still be with us.
2. Most of all I need to forgive her for dying.

Hmm forgive her for leaving something I have never considered in the last three years.  So this is me forgiving her.  I know that this cancer was bigger than us and we could not stop it. Mom did try to beat it, but the cancer had too much of a head start on her. I know deep down that she did not want to leave us and she wanted to continue the fight, but she also knew the cancer won and it was time for her to move on.  I’m being selfish thinking she should have stayed and been in the state that she was. That would not of been fair to have ask her to stay knowing what would lay ahead for her. I am sorry mom that in the last 3 years I did not once think of what life would have been like for you living with such an advanced cancer and I only thought of myself and how I would have to live Life Without You.